Why I have a love/hate relationship with the phrase "Find Your Purpose!"

The phrase "Find your purpose" is everywhere. It’s on motivational posters, in self-help books, and echoed by speakers at conferences. On the surface, it sounds inspiring and necessary. Everyone should know what they are meant to do, something that brings joy not only to themselves but also to others. Yet, this phrase can also feel overwhelming and misleading. Purpose isn’t always a grand, life-defining mission. Sometimes, it’s found in small, everyday actions that quietly make a difference.

Why I Love the Idea of Finding Your Purpose

The idea of finding your purpose appeals to a deep human desire: to live a meaningful life. When people talk about purpose, they often mean discovering what makes you feel alive and fulfilled. This can be a powerful motivator.

• Purpose brings joy: When you engage in activities aligned with your purpose, you often feel happier and more satisfied.

• Purpose connects us to others: Many find purpose in helping or inspiring others, creating a sense of community and belonging.

• Purpose guides decisions: Knowing your purpose can help you make choices that feel right, reducing confusion and regret.

  
  

For example, a teacher who loves helping students understand difficult concepts might find purpose in education. A volunteer who supports local shelters might find purpose in kindness and service. These examples show how purpose can bring joy and meaning.

Why I Hate the Pressure Behind "Find Your Purpose"

Despite its positive side, the phrase "Find your purpose" can create stress and unrealistic expectations. It often implies that purpose is a single, huge thing you must discover and hold onto forever. This can make people feel lost or inadequate if they don’t have a clear answer.

• Purpose is not always grand: Not everyone’s purpose is a big career or life mission. It can be small and simple.

• Purpose can change: What feels meaningful at one stage of life might shift later.

• Pressure to find purpose can cause anxiety: Feeling like you must find a life-defining purpose can lead to frustration and self-doubt.

  
  

For instance, someone might feel pressured to find a "big" purpose like starting a business or changing the world, while their true joy comes from small acts like gardening or caring for family. The pressure to find something monumental can overshadow these meaningful moments.

A peaceful garden bench symbolizing small moments of purpose

Purpose in the Little Things

Purpose doesn’t have to be a grand vision. It can be found in everyday actions that bring small but meaningful impact.

• Acts of kindness: Helping a neighbor, listening to a friend, or volunteering locally.

• Creative expression: Painting, writing, cooking, or any hobby that brings joy and connection.

• Personal growth: Learning new skills, practicing mindfulness, or improving health.

  
  

These small actions may not change the world overnight, but they create ripples of positive impact. They also build a sense of purpose that is flexible and accessible.

How to Embrace Purpose Without Pressure

Here are some ways to approach purpose in a balanced, healthy way:

• Focus on what feels meaningful now: Instead of searching for a permanent purpose, pay attention to what brings you joy and satisfaction today.

• Allow purpose to evolve: Be open to change and growth. Your purpose can shift as you do.

• Celebrate small impacts: Recognize that small actions matter and contribute to a meaningful life.

• Avoid comparing your purpose to others: Everyone’s journey is unique. What matters is what feels right for you.

  
  

For example, someone might find purpose in caring for their community garden this year, and next year, in mentoring a young person. Both are valid and valuable.

Finding Joy in the Journey

The phrase "Find your purpose" can be a helpful reminder to seek meaning, but it should not become a source of stress or unrealistic expectations. Purpose is often a collection of small moments and choices that bring joy and connection. It’s about living authentically and making a positive impact in ways that feel right to you.

Instead of chasing a single, fixed purpose, embrace the journey of discovering what matters to you in different seasons of life. This approach allows you to find peace and fulfillment without pressure.